My Body Keeps Your Secrets is engrossing, fierce and shows the writer’s intellect and talent, but as the journalistic follow-up to a straight memoir is less rigorous than expected. Leaning too heavily on her thesis, she runs the risk of reinforcing the historically dangerous assumption that women’s chronic conditions are psychosomatic – which would be, it seems, the opposite of her intent. I suffer from illnesses very similar – and in one case the same – as those she writes about, but have thankfully had no associated experience of violence, assault or trauma. Unfortunately, there is little corresponding exploration of the more straightforward experience of many women who developed these same medical conditions without the associated psychological connections. She explores the conditions of Crohn’s disease and vaginismus through the same lens: as direct results of experiences of assault and trauma. She writes at length about her experience of endometriosis, and the way in which the condition is triggered by external trauma for some sufferers. In addition, her exploration of chronic illness frames auto-immune conditions as a physical manifestation of psychological trauma.
KEEP YOUR SECRETS DRIVERS
The characterisation of masculinity – as driven by the sexual desire to dominate – seems simplistic at times, and overlooks how male experiences of gender norms and trauma can be drivers of male perpetrated violence. But in building evidence towards her presumed central thesis – that experiences of trauma have a physical, tangible impact on the bodies of survivors – she at times fails to show the whole story. The book is weighted heavily towards the social and political drivers of trauma and inequality – and there’s no doubting Osborne-Crowley’s observations about the ways institutions have enabled the sexual grooming of children, or the structural gender inequality at the heart of the medical system.
It’s a book that is trying to do so many things without ever fully satisfying the exploration of any one topic (each of which could easily be a book in itself). Each chapter jumps from interviews to the writer’s experiences to heavily quoted source material, creating a hybrid of academic prose, memoir and reportage. Osborne-Crowley travels from topic to topic – and often all the way back again – without a clear narrative arc or throughline. The structure of the book is sprawling and overwhelming at times. But rather than building on the insights from I Choose Elena and stepping into a new space – to examine the structural drivers of violence against women, for instance – My Body Keeps Your Secrets feels like an addendum to her memoir that doesn’t quite manage to stand on its own. Because I was never held dear.The accumulation of these stories paints an authentic picture of the complexity and diversity of experiences of trauma, adding depth to Osborne-Crowley’s personal account, which makes up a large portion of the book. Keep your secrets, keep your lies, Just stay happy under your horrible disguise. But I'm always lied to, no ones been true. If I had of been told, nothing would be wrong, We'd be sitting around, just singing a song. I'm tired of hurting people, because I never knew, The things burning inside of you. Tired of secrets, tired of lies, Still waiting for you to lift the disguise. When your ready to care, And you want to share, I'll see if I can wait for you, But no one is being true. I'm tired of the secrets, tired of the lies, Waiting for you, to ditch the disguise. What did I do to any of you, to deserve this? How did I offend, what did I miss? Maybe if I was told, maybe if something was said, I wouldn't feel bad, I wouldn't be beating my own head. That knife went in, it went up and down, Pulled out, then I'm looked at with a frown. All I've offered, is to listen, support and always care, Didn't matter to any of you, now I don't belong anywhere. So I try to help, how I've always been, You stuck the bloody knife in, so I'm not so keen. Tired of Secrets, Tired of Lies Why do you all tell so many lies? Why do you cower behind a simple disguise? Why do you keep secrets, why do you hide? I've always stood here, by everyones side.
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